I was reading over the boards of a spanking forum recently and happened across a thread where a few gents were discussing the services of a particular Lady. One comment, although apologetic, was slightly negative. Of course, we don’t all expect to be everyone’s cup of tea but the reasoning for his negative experience left me feeling a tad infuriated.
The gent in question had specific ‘desires’, shall we say, for the way his spanking should be administered. One of these desires included the possibility of viewing part of the Lady’s undergarments, of which he had been understandably refused. Money was then mentioned. It appeared that it was the belief of this gent that, because he was paying for the experience in question, he should be granted certain wishes, and seemingly without question.
It’s not the first time I’ve encountered this opinion, nor is it my first experience of clients wanting an element of control over their session. It did however, lead me to think it would be a good topic for a blog post.
In industry and business, it’s often absolutely correct – the customer is always right. Customer service is pushed in our faces from all angles and many (if not most) of us have probably had to sit through a mind-numbing training session on how to appease customers at one time or another. The customer is at the heart of almost every business. By pleasing the customer, a company will encourage repeat business and therefore survive longer.
In the service industry, you can place expectations on the level of service you receive. If, for any reason, it is unsatisfactory, there are usually complaints procedures in place. Oftentimes you will be granted a refund or other financial gesture to ensure the company’s reputation remains intact. It makes sense. It works in business. As a result, we are all used to getting what we want, when we want and exactly how we want it, and complaining if we don’t.
Should that apply in the FemDom industry?
(I use the term FemDom – Female Domination – for ease, to include the spanking scene).
Yes! On some levels, it absolutely should apply to the level of service our professionals provide, though not exactly in the way some of you think it should. Your money isn’t buying you full rights over your session or the Lady herself.
What You’re Paying For
Many, if not all, of my clients are married, in relationships or not ‘out’ publicly about their kinky side. They seek professional services so they can explore their desires without the risk of being caught or outed. By contacting and paying for a professional you have the right to request and expect anonymity.
As a professional offering any kind of Domination service, there are various profiles to create and maintain. Ladies often have their own websites too so that they may convey necessary information to prospective clients. Although there are some free places to advertise, the more successful ones come at a cost. Part of the fee you pay for your sessions goes towards the time and money spent on developing websites and professional profiles so that the end user can see more readily what is available on the scene.
Imagine how much more difficult it would be to get the fetish play that you crave if there were no professionals and you were reliant upon contacting individuals online to establish relationships. I expect many people would struggle to find what they need this way and, even if by chance they did, it would take a great deal more time and effort than a quick email or application form to a professional. You are paying for the convenience of being able to connect with someone instantly without having to follow lengthy social protocols beforehand.
In addition, many Ladies on the circuit do this full time, others may only work part time hours in a vanilla job to enable longer availability for sessions. This means that a large part, if not all, of their income is obtained through the services they offer. We all have homes and bills just as anyone else does. The fees you pay contribute to our cost of living so that we may be available for sessions at convenient times of day.
Providing you do your research and choose wisely when selecting a professional, you can expect to play with someone who is experienced in your desired fetish play. They will have probably explored it many times before and encountered the various issues that can arise with any form of BDSM play. They will understand what safety measures need to be taken and how different people can react to situations. Generally (certainly with the Ladies I’ve had the pleasure to meet so far), they will be constantly looking to learn and improve their skill set and service level. It’s a natural thing to want to better yourself continuously. Therefore, they may attend costly events, workshops, fetish fairs or travel to visit mentors to fully explore and enjoy the fetishes they indulge in professionally. As a paying customer, you are investing in this continued learning process and benefitting greatly from the experience they offer.
As with experience, the skill level of professionals is something I feel you can have expectations over. Again though, this is partly dependant on you taking the time to select the right person for you. There are many ways to determine the skill levels of a Lady before you contact her. Her online profiles will often be geared towards marketing herself in this way. By paying a professional you should feel comfortable that you will be playing with someone who has developed skills in your particular area of interest.
Is this not the very essence of customer service? If you contact a Lady politely and show her that you have taken the time to understand her expectations for initial contact, you will find you are greeted with a high level of professional customer service. Ladies want to session with respectful and polite clients, therefore we will be respectful and polite in response.
The level of professionalism should be maintained throughout your relationship, however long it may be. Your boundaries should be respected, be that in terms of play limits or social boundaries. Unless otherwise agreed for session purposes, you are entitled to expect to be treated with dignity and met with a non-judgemental attitude. You should be able to expect a level of professionalism in any conversations you have with the Lady either before or after a session. You are paying for the right to maintain a professional distance from the person you are sessioning with so that it does not interfere with other aspects of your life.
You should absolutely expect safety as part of your service. The premises you play in should be safe, clean and equipped with necessary medical supplies for emergencies. Almost all fetish play comes with some risk (it’s part of the reason we love it), so there should always be procedures in place to minimise this and deal competently with any issues that may arise. I would have no issue if any of my clients, as paying customers, enquired about my safety procedures or medical supplies prior to playing. In fact, it would rather impress me!
A Female Dominant
If you book and pay for the services of a Female Dominant (in whatever capacity), you should be able to expect to meet and play with a Female Dominant. Now, this is where the confusion seems to lie for some.
The Lady you are booking to play with is Dominant – she identifies as a Top with whatever label best suits her. She will have her own limits and expectations. She will have rules and reasons for them (which she is not obliged to share with you). She will be an individual, a real person. That, you can guarantee. You cannot expect a Lady to do anything that is beyond her limits simply because you are paying to be there. That is not what your money is buying you. That is your sense of entitlement getting the better of you. You wouldn’t have your limits crossed, so why on earth should we just for cash?
It’s reasonable to make requests in some cases, unless of course it is clear from the Lady’s profiles that what you are asking is absolutely not on offer. Then it just becomes rudeness or an attempt to get a free telling off. If you do make a very specific request for a session and it gets denied, you really don’t have the right to complain though. Have you ever tried asking a female GP to wear a short skirt for your appointment because her blue one reminds you of your childhood GP? Or asking the supermarket cashier to stand up while scanning your items as it pleases you more to see their body while they work? There are certain things in all business that you cannot have control over – a Lady’s limits and preferences is one of them
If you simply cannot session without this particular aspect, you have the right to choose another Lady who will have different parameters. You don’t have the right to post negative reviews on her service level because she won’t let you look at her lingerie! Again, that is not what your money is buying you.
You are paying to be dominated. If you contact a Lady and ask her to dominate you by doing x, y and wearing z, you are not asking to be dominated. You are asking her to top you in the way youwould like to be topped, to fulfil your fantasies. If you genuinely want to experience Domination (or Discipline) with a truly Dominant female, you are going to have to appreciate that she is exactly that – Dominant!