Professional Dominants & Disciplinarians are told often just how intimidating it is to make first contact with them. Of course, that really ought to be the case; after all, I shouldn’t imagine the intention is to visit them for a cuddle and cup of tea! Stop me if I’m wrong…
Indeed, many of us insist on certain protocols and procedures for initial contact, and the decisions you make in those first methods of communication are vital. A great many ‘good’ subs and clients get turned away because they haven’t followed protocol, or have failed to make a good first impression.
So how can you avoid being turned away?
Do Your Research
From experience, I know that many Professional Dominants would rather you contact them because you want to see them specifically. Our work is very personal to us and the connection we make in session or play matters a great deal for a satisfying experience for both (or all) parties. Make sure the person you are contacting is someone you actually want to session with. That may seem to be merely common sense, but ProDommes receive ‘blanket’ style copy and paste enquiries almost daily.
Show your intent by mentioning something specific about their style or services that appeals to you. Make your application stand out from the crowd by proving you have spent time learning how your intended Dominant wishes to be approached.
If you have spent time reading through the website of the professional you want to contact, then you will have likely come across their application procedure or protocol. My personal preference – for example – is to allow you to construct an email application, using your own wording. Other professionals may have contact forms on their websites, or may require you to join their subscription sites as an initial way of serving them.
If there are instructions readily available, it is wise to follow them. After all, if you can’t do as you’re told with a simple application, you’re going to struggle in a session. If you cannot find the information after giving it your best shot, my advice would be to send a polite and brief email to ascertain the best procedure.
Whether you are applying via email or using an application form, think about the specifics of your desires. Kink is a very personal thing and ProDommes are unlikely to be able to help with a simple ‘Can you dominate me?’. We are not mind readers, though it may seem that way when you’re in our presence.
Detail precisely what service you are looking, be that real time sessions, online play or another service your chosen Dominant offers. Give a good indication of your fetishes and desires so they can see if you will be a good match to play with them. Suggest potential dates and times that would suit your schedule to avoid lengthy email trails. Show your Dominant you respect their time by giving them the information they need to progress your application.
Manners cost nothing. You will naturally be expected to show a degree of respect while in session or play with your Domme, so start off on the right foot and be polite and courteous in your first message. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ go a long way in this scene.
Include a salutation along with their name and preferred title. Emails without so much as a ‘Hello’ are deleted from my inbox without being read. Offer your gratitude for their well constructed online platforms which have ultimately led you to them. Thank them for their time in reading your application. I can’t tell you how important manners are to me, both in the first email and the ongoing relationship.
We don’t need you to prove anything here. If you have no experience, tell us. If you are scared of something, tell us. If you have a hard limit, tell us. Health problems, personal concerns, triggers – you’ve got it: TELL US!
While it’s important to list the things you want to do (so we know if we’d like to play with you), it is also imperative that you mention anything that is a no go area or of major concern. Don’t fall into the trap of exaggerating your experience and fantasies in the hopes of pleasing your Mistress and giving them what you think they want to hear.
Once you are content with your application and are ready to click send: relax! Send the message and go and do something else for a while. Distractions are a wonderful coping mechanism for anxiety. It may be minutes before you receive a response, it may be days. You may never receive a response at all. And that’s ok.
Try to remember that your chosen pro may receive hundreds of application messages every week – every day in some cases – and they will get to yours in the order it arrived. It isn’t impolite to send a brief reminder if you haven’t heard back after a fortnight or so. It may be that your email has fallen into their junk folder, or been lost among a flurry on a particularly busy day.
What are your experiences with contacting Professional Dominants & Disciplinarians?
What other tips can you share to help others with their first time?
What would you do differently if you could go back?